STILL I haven’t been writing much because for some time I was overcome with doubt and anxiety – an extension, if not a monster, that I’ve let mutate from the date of my last post. I still am going through some questions about myself and all, and I think it’ll be a while until I can truly muster up enough confidence and self-belief to truly proclaim that I am indeed one psychologically or emotionally fine individual.
Lists are always nice. I believe in making lists for keeping things in check. As much as we all love clutter, in some ways we do need to turn them into organized chaos to make everything better, right?
So here is a list I’ve made about myself that I think will help me with my constant quest for self-improvement. What are things that I dislike about myself that I only really realized after taking some time to note them down?
- I nurture too much, probably to the point of spoiling the receiver of my behavior.
- I don’t know how to say no.
- I feel the need to be appreciated from time to time. I equate this and praise to assurance.
- I get caught up with my emotions.
- I am not very graceful when dealing with strong feelings, and usually end up making the situation worse for myself.
- I overthink.
- I tend to want to understand or find a deeper meaning in things even when it’s unnecessary.
- I like dreaming, but there’s not much actual doing.
- I shy away from large groups of people.
- I lose track of where my money goes off to.
Though it’s great and all that I’ve pinned down my faults and bad tendencies, I shouldn’t let my shortcomings listed above define me. They do need work done, but I do appreciate a lot of aspects about myself, too:
- I have a good heart.
- I love helping.
- I have a good listening ear for anyone who needs it.
- I’m passionate in everything I set my mind and heart to.
- I’m amiable.
- I’m fun.
- I’m smart.
- I don’t dress terribly.
- I have a variety of interests that’s good for not-so-normal kind of conversation.
- I find happiness in the littlest things.
- Though I can be snarky, I always do try to find good things in everyone.
- I have ambitions but I don’t let it shine more than what really matters.
- I’m always up for new things to experience.
So if I ever find myself in a slump of wavering self-worth, I’ll only need to look at this pocket list of the good things about myself that make me awesome.
I invite people to make their own lists, too! I found the exercise therapeutic and eye-opening, especially if you spend some time to think about what you want to put.
- If you have stubbornly settled on a thought and you decided to stop trying for anything else, you just decided to lose a multiverse of possibilities.
- If you put so much pressure on yourself, you just have to take a step back and ask, “Did anyone die for this reason that I was so hard on myself?”
- If you had to choose things that you consider will give you happiness over actual people, remember that people are actually capable of making you feel good and more. And that is something no object can give you.
- If you feel like you’re always right like no other opinion could stand up to what you already believe in, then there must be something wrong with you. Openness is hard but often necessary.
- If you truly love something, you don’t mind making time for it. You do a little extra step out of your way for it because you want it. People need to stop the glorification of busy.
- If you feel at some point that your efforts towards another person aren’t justly reciprocated, you need to realize that consistently latching on to hope isn’t always the best and only way to go about trying to mend it.
- If it matters, don’t get rid of it. Do everything in your power to cherish and nurture it.
- If you find yourself having too much of a good thing, don’t question it. It’s not always a bad thing, because some folks don’t get that much luck as you do.
- If you find yourself jaded with quality (of life, love, career, etc), learn the difference between “good enough” and “the best I could make or give myself”.
- If you think you don’t have much to offer, the best thing you could do is to be good to people and to yourself. There’s nothing wrong with giving your best in everything. It’s better than giving something half-assed.
- If you want to change for the better, don’t be a recluse shutting out any form of interaction that could be good for improvement. Go out and do things out of the ordinary.
- If you sugarcoat indifference and dissatisfaction with politeness, there’s actually more damage in doing so than simply laying the truth out there.
- If you feel dejected after a tremendous amount of effort on your part, you should be proud that you are capable of a doing great and unsurmountable job while you were at it. It just wasn’t received by the right audience, or they were just too ignorant to appreciate it.
- If you choose to see the world in rose-colored lenses, don’t forget that you might forget and lose sight of what is happening to reality.
- If you find yourself lost zoning in on one aspect of your life, this makes you dull and uninspiring – to yourself and to others.
- If you are a kind person, you will never run out of good things coming your way. The good karma is only kind of a bonus for being a genuinely kind and happy person.
- If your mind and heart are willing, you are unstoppable.
Is it weird to post a resolution entry here when the new year has long gone from the thoughts of everyone else? Regardless, I’ll post one anyway! Since this year has started, I’ve been getting this generally optimistic vibe about 2014. Is it just me, or does this seem like a promising year for you, too?
Last year was a year of letting myself go and get beat up by consecutive instances of misfortune — multiple gadget failure, cancelled trips, my dog getting a skin infection, etc. So this year is going to be focused on my self, or at least that’s what I plan to make it about. I’m going to embrace positivity and experience a lot of things that would benefit my personal growth. It seems like a broad and ostentatious plan, but I managed to narrow them down into 5 things I’d like to focus on:
- As much as possible, be vocal about how you feel.
- When you feel that you are pushed to your limits, let it out, don’t bottle it up, and accept that you are human.
- Don’t put yourself down by thinking of what others would think about you. Self before anyone else — so you can actually help others more.
- Being tired doesn’t equate to being incompetent. Carrying the white flag sometimes means that you should address your needs above anything else.
- By all means, don’t feel bad about using your leaves! Utang na loob, girl. Sulitin mo yan.
- Wag ka magpa bully, especially sa kliyente.
- Never stop dreaming. There are a lot of bumps in the road, but it’s not all for nothing.
- Find optimism in people who are dearest to you.
- Make Parks and Rec’s Donna your idol. She knows her shit.
- Ron Swanson would also be a nice peg.
- Or Leslie!
That’s my mantra for this year. This year, it’s going to be all about me.
Taken by Angel Ramos circa ’09 at Caleruega
Sometimes I feel that I haven’t paid myself much attention in the past year. I didn’t spend a lot of time on self-actualization (which I think is important as I enter the mystical world of adults and fab 20-year olds). So here’s to a year of knowing myself better!
‘Tis a new year AND a new decade, and it’s about time I tried looking at myself in the mirror and see my stronger features rather than the flaws, and finally gather the guts to say, “Hey there you purrrty lady!”
After all, how can someone love me if I can’t even love myself completely? I’m not trying to be narcissistic. I want to think of this as a movement of self-empowerment — something every shy girl (like me) needs.
So what are the words I should live by this year (and years to come)?
- Discover thyself!
- Appreciate thyself!
- Love thyself!
On a completely different ballpark, I am sad to say that my cousin’s 4 month old Mini Dachshund called Sushi has passed away due to distemper. He’d lost his appetite, had severe respiratory problems, had diarrhea, and also had multiple seizures. The vet said there was nothing else to do but wait or have him put to sleep. It’s heartbreaking to hear a puppy so young could suffer that much. Although you haven’t been with us long, you will be remembered, Sushi. :'(
…is my birthday.
I will be 21 in approximately4 hours.
I will finally become of legal age, will definitely un-become a minority.
Meanwhile, in my almost twenty-one years of living, I’ve learned the following about myself:
- I am hopelessly one very cheerful person. I once found this book under Humor entitled “365 Insults You Can Tell Your Officemates” (or something like that), and my friend put it down for me, telling me it’s impossible for me to pull it off.
- I enjoy little things. Give me a lone little flower from a poster-spangled wall and tell me its life story, you can find me easily filled with admiration. (But I don’t suggest that particular flower to win me over in romance, because of course, I’m no idiot)
- I love chocolate! I’ve just recently learned to appreciate chocolate with almonds.
- I dislike bad manners. Picking your nose, hawking wads of spit, not holding the door for a lady — just….EWW.
- I wish I were more inspired.
I don’t know anything as significant to add, which is saddening.