I actually really dislike the word. But we’ve all (at least most of us has) been there –even girls like me! It’s supposedly about investing so much of your time on a person that you like in hopes of winning his/her affection.
Here you spend so much of your time trying to be nice to a person, molding yourself into this “shoulder to cry on” figure in his/her life. After a few weeks/months/years even, you expect said person to return the favor of being nice. And when s/he doesn’t and leave you in the friendzone with the most feared words “I think we’re better off just as friends”, you unleash bitter wrath on the internet. Okay, maybe not wrath per se, but there is a significant amount of bitterness nonetheless.
Way before Spikey, I was very infatuated with this boy in school. I went out of my way to be friends with him, hang out with him, like the music that he likes, etc. You know how it works. Sometimes I go home feeling sad about my situation with him. Am I too aggressive? Am I lacking anything? Is there something wrong with me? Or is he freakin dense to not notice these things that I’m doing for him?
A lot of these sorts of questions occupied my teenage mind at the time. Cheesy as it sounds, but I am the hopeless romantic type; I think it was bordering on having a messianic complex, even. I was seriously hoping I could be the muse to this guy so he wouldn’t have to be so brooding all the time. I was also hoping that he would reciprocate my feelings for him.
It took me about 3 years to realize that nothing was happening. Actually, there was no bitterness about it. I kind of just woke up one day and knew that I didn’t like him anymore. I didn’t like wasting all that energy to make myself available to him. I didn’t like warping myself to make him like me.
With this personal experience, I’ve come to one conclusion: Being nice to a person to try to manipulate him/her into liking you more, isn’t very nice or fair at all.
Affections grow not because you expect someone to have “utang na loob” towards you. Things like that require the proper mood, circumstances and timing. You can’t force love to happen!
So to all these folks who wallow in the misery of being in the friendzone, there is always hope in finding someone who will take you as you are. I’m not saying you should stop trying to be extra nice, but at least that’s one less extra effort that you can do away with! Someone out there will like you for being your normal self, doing your normal “nice” :)